With Valentine's Day just around the corner, are you the kind of person who uses "we" or "our" a lot when referring to your life partner/boyfriend or girlfriend/spouse? Or, when talking about your significant other, are your descriptions sprinkled with lots of "I's," "you's" and "me's"?

While studying the behaviors of 154 couples in their Baby Boomer years and beyond, University of California, Berkeley researchers discovered the difference between "we" and "me" may go a long way, not only toward defining the quality of the relationship you have with your special someone, but resolving conflicts more amicably.

Previous studies have shown how using "we" or "us" to define closer relationships with loved ones rather than separateness words like "I" or "me" are indicative of stronger satisfaction among young married couples.

Generally, the same results apply here, even more strongly, for older folks in longtime relationships. Folks who used separatist pronouns like "me" and "you" were generally less satisfied with their relationships and their use of these specific descriptors was linked to unhappy marriages.

Conversely, the sprinkling of "our" and "us" in conversations was a indicator of greater caring among couples and reduced physiological stress. This was especially true among older couples faced a great many roadblocks in their long lives together, yet possessed the emotional resilience and, perhaps, a greater sense of shared identity, according to the study.

As my wife and I head toward our 20th wedding anniversary this July, without question, these findings speak loudly and clearly to a great many folks we know. Including "us."

PubMed.gov

University of California, Berkeley News January 27, 2010